SADF Told to Stop Sending Dead Fish Packages. Scores of deserving bastards left fishless.
On February 11th, 2002, the SendADeadFish.net attorneys notified us that we must immediately cease the dispensing of corporeal, and very stinky, justice to the public at large. We were told via telephone that aiding the downtrodden masses in their attempt at rightful retribution through the sending of post-prime seafood via the US Poastal Service was legally damning and would likely lead to a lawsuit.
Of course, our first response was to send them a very nasty efish (*more about this later).
Our second response was to send them an even nastier efish, along with a prototype dispenser of our patented FishStick product.
Our third and fourth responses were and are too disgusting to retell here.
However, our fifth response was to think carefully about what we had been told by our trusted legal counsel. And, after so doing, we realized that a lawsuit is a very nasty thing; perhaps nastier, even, than post-prime seafood sent via the US Postal System to the door of a very deserving bastard. But nastier still was the thought that a lawsuit would only favor the lawyers and ultimately leave SADF a bankrupt, reeking shell of a company.
After further thought and megabytes of e-fish we decided that the continued existence of electronic dead fish, tastefully designed dead fish tee shirts, delectably aromatic FishSticks, and other such products was much more important that the possibility of losing everything to a room packed with unhappy attorneys arguing over the legalities of sending reeking fish bits through the mail to some unsuspecting, but most deserving individual.
So, for the time being (or until we can find a better set of attorneys), we will not offer our famous dead fish packages. However, there are still lots of E-Fish (and more every day) to be sent to deserving bastards world-wide.
Fish Slap Our Lawyer! Do a bit of good and send our lawyer an E-Fish. His email address is here. Remember, we’re all in it together!
Our discriminating customers know what they want.
They just can’t have it just yet. We aren’t yet shipping real fish packages, but when we do, they’ll look alot like this…
The Lover’s Special
It was sweet while it lasted, but the fleeting joys of love wilted too soon. Kind of like this dead fish. We’ll send that rat what they deserve, because we know, like you do, that it’s entirely their fault. Express your disappointment with love’s labors lost, with our help.
The Corporate Special
Did they take your fantastic proposal idea and run to the boss with it first and steal the credit? Have they been making your life hell? Did they steal your red stapler? Get the satisfaction of being there when something arrives in the maildrop, while you bask in the satisfaction, knowing that every purchase here is confidential.
The king of all dead fish, this package is a seeping, stinking, plastic bag of small, dead, decomposing fish delivered (sealed.. so they’ll OPEN it…) to your target by USPS ground shipping, which we all know, is slower than our fishes! This one is sure to (dis)please!